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Drunk On What I Am

by Cloudmouth

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1.
Sometimes you've got to ride on the shoulder And sometimes you've got to ride on the road But when you hear the squeal of the wheels, you better pull over If you feel the weight of the world, better lighten your load.
2.
Little House 03:35
I don’t scream and I don’t shout When the nothing much keeps coming round To my little house with its little door We don’t speak no more, cause we’ve heard it all… Such a big flame burns in my little heart, A flame the big ol’ world keeps blowing on Through the little hours of the big long day That keep me away. And all the sweetness spilling out Of the big black hole in my little mouth It can’t pay the rent, take the garbage out, But it warms her up. On and on - I don’t need tragedy On and on - come here & lie next to me On and on - make me the wave that don’t break. I can build a fire by hand, But I don’t claim to understand How a woman loves, can love a man Day after day, and on into the night And the cold, feeding that flame & it only grows On and on - I don’t need tragedy On and on - come here & lie under me. On and on - make me the wave that don’t break.
3.
All the world is green, your heart is gold. Don’t let it show for someone that you don’t know. A crook would lose their teeth for the sugar you hold, And this place, I’ve been told, has the most crooked roads. I heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend so I should know. All the world is green, and counted out. And printed by figures that you don’t know about. They would steal your tears to keep their bottles full And sell it back as water, and you’d buy it all. I heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend so I should know. Every living thing is blessed with a chance to meet their end, Or to turn around and run. All the world is green, it cleans itself And it always will, it don’t need your help So don’t bother, just keep shoveling coal If they tell you different, it’s because they’re on the payroll. I heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend so I should know. All the world is green, that’s what you’ve been told. You’ve heard the stories, they’re getting old. And someone’s knocking, but where’s the door? And you hold the key, but what’s it for? If all your gods were given a truth they’ll never show, You’ll chase it to the grave and jump down in the hole. I heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend so I should know.
4.
Nothing 05:00
I've got a song stuck in my head, and it's driving me crazy. All I want is an empty hole between my ears. All I want to hear is nothing at all. Apathy, it don't weigh anything. It could fly off like a wedding ring. I could wear it like a crown. The blue and green coastline you make of me is an island that sits beneath a heavy rain cloud, and it never breaks. It only takes up sky. Empathy, entropy looks at me steep through a heavy sleep, dreaming of less and less and less to dream of & all my lows are owed to my chemistry, not apathy or enemies. I'd rather be awake than dreaming of all I could take back. I've got a lion in my bed, and I can't help but feed him little pieces of myself to keep him at bay. I know it's only a matter of days till I'm nothing at all.
5.
Pluck out my eyes, that spin in my skull. Pull my teeth from this rotten hole. Rip off my arms, sick from the grip of my hands. Don't even leave me with one leg to stand. It's not mine, as far as I know... My body goes as far as I know. I'll pay for the right to swallow my air. I'll pay for my teeth, how they want only to tear. I'll pay I swear. But if I can't, if I fall through, I'll pay with my blood, my guts and my bones down to my last cracked tooth. I'll pay for the one I wanted to be & then I'll go home. I'll pay for a stone, and the church, then be on my knees with a shovel and a bucket when I feel it coming, digging up a body's worth of dirt so there's a hole for me to collapse in. When I'm past-tense. When I've cashed in on my last breath and I'm gone. Pray for my god, that he may prevail. Praised be my house, an objection to the world. Praised be my hands and the chance that I'll someday clean up the blood (what a long shot that I ever thought I could [you would never know, I was not awake]) I won't fold just because I was told a lie made of gold. I don't know nothing anymore. I was told, by the sound of my voice, that I was not in my right mind. I was told by my eyes that I was not in a lie I was told.
6.
Only Rocks 03:32
You keep bringing up ‘the world gone to rot’ and I don't talk cause I don't have much to say. It's that real world they fed us on that sits wrong with me, I gotta say. But you've figured out so much that you're all on your own. You called, of course, to say that you know what is better now. Well, what is better now? Forgive me for my hesitation, and I'll forgive myself. You can't pick something up without letting go of something else and I realize just how much I've dropped along the way. But you're so sure that you know the end that you're kicking up your feet, you're passing out, while I'm up here losing sleep- contingencies I always mean to keep loaded in rows at the front of my skull. What if I get where I'm going, and I'm still lost? What if I open up my luggage and it's only rocks?
7.
I was laying in the sickest of beds with a knot on my head the size of my skull, and all it could hold is one hard thought. That thought on a single hinge swung loose in the wind like a barn door blowing, with the peal of a creak and a steady knock. The fog lays low. I swing open and closed, and I swing open- If I'm only me, I'm not myself. I was laying in the sickest of beds, and what was not on my head was the size of my skull. All it could hold was a few dull rocks. Those rocks, as hard as I threw them, didn't break the surface of nothing. Just empty sky on a pane of glass. What's drowned and under tow, I can't see but I know. I know, but I can't- If I'm only me, I'm not myself. If I am myself, I'm mostly something else... & Then I'm right here in my body, in your kitchen, as you work the blade of the knife, dividing onions, and your eyes swell like lakes. The blood in our veins beats with a rhythm that we keep without thought. Hello, my love. I'm drunk on what I am, and what I'm not.

about

Drunk On What I Am is a portrait in time. Conceived as an encapsulation of the Cloudmouth live set that developed in our first year playing together, the actual recording process was very direct. We set up in the room and played our songs together, start to finish, and caught the sound as it was meant to be experienced. Some songs are older, some are new, but the bulk of the material was first released in a Kyle Numann solo album, and exists on this record as the live band re-imaginings of the pieces.

Tracked live to tape in March 2016 with Travis Atkinson at Strangebird Recording, Nashville TN. Out on Yeah Definitely Records.

Mixed, mastered, drawn & designed by Cloudmouth

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released August 26, 2016

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Cloudmouth Nashville, Tennessee

Art-Folk band from Nashville, TN. Enjoys science, noise, nature, dogs, space-time, and an unshakable sense of looming dread.

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